We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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