Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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