Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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