someone get that fucking seahorse.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
