My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
