Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
