I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
