is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
