I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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