Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
