and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
