And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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