I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
thus making me awesome and them whores
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
