i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
