i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
