Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
