I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
