You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
