Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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