she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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