Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
