One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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