So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
