Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
