Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
