fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
