I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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