Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
