i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
