just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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