Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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