I hate all girls vehemently.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
