apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
