so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
