I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
