last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
