We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
