Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
