I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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