Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
