Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
