I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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