I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
