i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
