I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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