She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
