he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
