I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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