how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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