If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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