Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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