Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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